02SilverStroke
Full Access Member
Yes, and very funny.
Joke of the day
- Thread starter 95_stroker
- Start date
Yes, and very funny.
BIG DUTY
F-250 Care Taker
Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver' licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
postmen can look for them while they deliver the post?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those
little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards:
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
22. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that 1
enjoys it?
23. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when
you send it by sea it is called cargo?
24. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year, why are there locks on the door?
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver' licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
postmen can look for them while they deliver the post?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those
little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards:
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
22. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that 1
enjoys it?
23. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when
you send it by sea it is called cargo?
24. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year, why are there locks on the door?
BIG DUTY
F-250 Care Taker
That ring bear joke is hilarious. The funny thing is, this happened in my cousin's wedding in December. I was there and no one knew why he was doing this. Later on his dad told us he thought he was the ring bear. He rushed up the aisle clawing with his hands and saying roar...roar. This is a honest and true story
architect-builder
Full Access Member
Octamom
Did ya all hear about the Octamom Special at Dennys????
14 Eggs
No Sausage
And, the guy next to you pays for it.
B
Did ya all hear about the Octamom Special at Dennys????
14 Eggs
No Sausage
And, the guy next to you pays for it.
B
dboyw
Full Access Member
I think you have finally discovered haow to stopp the teenage years.
onety three to onety nine
powerboatr
living well in Texas
02SilverStroke
Full Access Member
What an idiot!!!!
dpantazis
#12
The dog, the college kid and his gramps
There was this college student the really spoiled type. His grandpa paid for everything. His grandpa hadn't spoking with him for month, truth is only time he would talk with his grandpa was when he needed money.
So he goes to see his grandpa. They are making small talk and grandpa ask how school is going and the boy says great he says he 'gramps my school has this special class going on where they are teaching dogs to read, I could take your ole hunting dog there to read it only cost 2 grand'. So his grandpa thinks this will be great to have a dog that can read and such.
A month goes by and gramps calls the boy to see how his dog is doing. I haven't heard from you in a month how is fido doing. 'Granpda you wouldn't believe Fido is tops in his class he is reading everything. In fact he is doing so well for another 5 grand they said they can teach him to talk'. Grandpa say man that would be cool to have my hunting dog talking I will send the money.
Another 2 months goes by and gramps hasn't heard from the kid. So he gives him a call. So son how is fido doing is he talking. The kid goes 'well I was about to call you. In fact grandma stopped by last week and fido was talking a storm up to grandma.' Gramps is like great what was fido saying. 'Well he was telling grandma about that red head you were having an affair with for all those years.'
Grandpa goes, that dam dog I would have shot him. The kid goes 'don't worry grandpa I did'.
There was this college student the really spoiled type. His grandpa paid for everything. His grandpa hadn't spoking with him for month, truth is only time he would talk with his grandpa was when he needed money.
So he goes to see his grandpa. They are making small talk and grandpa ask how school is going and the boy says great he says he 'gramps my school has this special class going on where they are teaching dogs to read, I could take your ole hunting dog there to read it only cost 2 grand'. So his grandpa thinks this will be great to have a dog that can read and such.
A month goes by and gramps calls the boy to see how his dog is doing. I haven't heard from you in a month how is fido doing. 'Granpda you wouldn't believe Fido is tops in his class he is reading everything. In fact he is doing so well for another 5 grand they said they can teach him to talk'. Grandpa say man that would be cool to have my hunting dog talking I will send the money.
Another 2 months goes by and gramps hasn't heard from the kid. So he gives him a call. So son how is fido doing is he talking. The kid goes 'well I was about to call you. In fact grandma stopped by last week and fido was talking a storm up to grandma.' Gramps is like great what was fido saying. 'Well he was telling grandma about that red head you were having an affair with for all those years.'
Grandpa goes, that dam dog I would have shot him. The kid goes 'don't worry grandpa I did'.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
hheynow
Señor Aceite de Soja
Two goats are at the local dump. One starts chewing on an old plastic VCR movie casing. The other goat looks at him then says "The book was better". 