Joke of the day

[04Powerstroke]

two sisters

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, and not a penny less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, and then he adds, "That will be just 99 cents a word".

After paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1.00 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking it over a few seconds, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'".

The operator shakes his head. "How's she ever gonna know you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you only send her the word "comfortable?"

"Oh that's easy", replies the brunette.

(Are you ready for this one ?????????)





"My sister's blonde. To her this word is big. So I know she'll read it very slowly .. com-for-da-bull. !!"

 

[04Powerstroke]

Blind date

Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a
prize.

Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the
ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get
weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he
guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.

"I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early,
dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

 

[04Powerstroke]

Viagra

Double Dose? A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose
>>of
>>viagra.
>>
>>
>>
>>The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.
>>
>>
>>
>>"Why not?" asked the man.
>>
>>
>>
>>" Because it's not safe," replied the doctor.
>>
>>
>>
>>"But I need it really bad," said the man.
>>
>>
>>
>>"Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor.
>>
>>
>>
>>The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my
>>ex-wife will
>>be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't
>>you see? I
>>must have a double dose."
>>
>>
>>
>>The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but
>>You have
>>to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see If
>>there are any
>>side effects."
>>
>>
>>
>>On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling.
>>
>>
>>
>>The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"
>>
>>
>>
>>The man said, "No one showed up".

 

[04Powerstroke]

George Bush has an heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to
> >hell,where the devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says
> >the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you
> >definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go.
> >I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one
of
> >them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who
> >leaves."George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.The Devil
> >opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot
> >water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his
fate
> >in hell."No!" said George. "I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and
> >don't think I could stay in hot water all day."The Devil led him to the
> >next room. In it was Tony Blair
> >with a
> >sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer,
> >time after time.
> >No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if
> >all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.The Devil
opened
> >the third door. In it, George saw Bill
> >Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his
legs
> >staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing
> >what she does best.
> >George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said
> >"Yeah, I can handle this."
> >The Devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

 

[04Powerstroke]

The preacher

Preacher's Salary
> > > >
> > > > The Preacher explains that he must move on to a larger congregation
> >that
> > > > will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one
> >wants
> > > > him to leave.
> > > >
> > > > Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up
and
> > > > proclaims: "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new
> > >Cadillac
> > > > every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their
> > > > children! !"
> > > > The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.
> > > >
> > > > Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says
"If
> > >the
> > > > Preacher will stay on here I'll personally double his salary, and
also
> > > > establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of
> >all his
> > > > children!" - More sighs and loud applause.
> > > >
> > > > Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the
> >preacher
> > > > stays, I will give him sex." There is total silence.
> > > >
> > > > The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed
you
> >to
> > > > say
> > > > that?"
> > > >
> > > > Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his
> > > > forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to
> > >side
> > > > while his wife replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could
> > >help,
> > > > and he said, "Screw the preacher."

 

[powerboatr]

George Bush has an heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to
> >hell,where the devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says
> >the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you
> >definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go.
> >I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one
of
> >them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who
> >leaves."George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.The Devil
> >opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot
> >water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his
fate
> >in hell."No!" said George. "I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and
> >don't think I could stay in hot water all day."The Devil led him to the
> >next room. In it was Tony Blair
> >with a
> >sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer,
> >time after time.
> >No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if
> >all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.The Devil
opened
> >the third door. In it, George saw Bill
> >Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his
legs
> >staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing
> >what she does best.
> >George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said
> >"Yeah, I can handle this."
> >The Devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

that may have been funnier if we used the canadain heads of state. -popcorn

 

[04Powerstroke]

that may have been funnier if we used the canadain heads of state. -popcorn

if I hit a nerve. Just thought it was funny. Would have been funny no matter who it was about. BTW, Canadians don't have heads of state. We have Preimers of Provinces and a Prime Minister of the country.

Shane

 

[W4RLR]

that may have been funnier if we used the canadain heads of state. -popcorn

But there are few people on this forum who can even NAME the Canadian heads of state, eh?

 

[04Powerstroke]

But there are few people on this forum who can even NAME the Canadian heads of state, eh?

Amen to that brother!

 

[Scarlet_Nape]

But there are few people on this forum who can even NAME the Canadian heads of state, eh?

Wayne Gretzky!!!